It will be alright, MeMe, my brilliantly, overly, smart 9 year old grandson said to me last Thursday. He was referring to some homework he had left blanks in the work. I was trying to tell him the blanks will count off for him and that his grade would suffer from it. So right about now you are wondering, brilliantly, overly, smart? How can that be if he is not filling in the work required which will be graded.
Not sure on that one other than his words are ringing in my ears here at 5:36 AM and have all night. It will be okay, I hear him say with such confidence. Oh how I want to believe those words. How I want to believe in my faith in God to do just that. To make this okay, the cancer you may be thinking right now. That’s part of the request right now but no, something that is taking presidence over that part of my life and may for a while to come.
Tonight I returned home and found a little less than half my house was and is flooded. “It will be okay.” the sweet voice of my grandson says. “Have faith in God to not give you more than you may handle.” “He will never give you more than you may be able to deal with at a time.”
So what is to much? What is my limit? I am going on no rest and I was up early Sunday morning to attend church with a cousin that I spent the weekend at her husband’s and her home. It was a wonderful weekend. That was until I returned home to an overwhelming task and it continues to grow as I write this. What is my amount of this stress, disappointment, continual steps backward is enough?
All this said I am remaining to attempt to stay optimistic and pray for the best outcome. Right now I just want to rest and I must continue to vacuum up water that seems to be doing very little to relieve the amount of was.And add to this in the morning or is that this morning I must go to a new doctor for a possible diagnosis of another cancer on top of the two I have already and the one I had diagnosed last year and removed from my face.
The one today will be a possible spot of cancer in my mouth. Then there is another spot on my knee I have yet to be tested for possible cancer. Do any more lurk within my body? Should I just give up, right here and right now? What is the point?
The point is I will not give up. I will continue and I will face each and ever crook in my road as it comes. Right now, I am facing my body telling me it needs rest. I keep dozing off and waking up as I type. Ha. “It will be alright.” The voice of my grandson and God reassure me. Deep breath!
These detours are put before me to possibly keep me on track in my life, to help me to learn something or to help others learn from my life. I know there is some possible reason and a very good one.
So what might I learn from this? That I end up with a really clean home? That some individuals in my life truly do care and want to help me then others are maybe less likely to do so. I may learn who will be there when I seriously need their support. This is real fear for me. I just don’t know who will be there for me when I need their help. So far one cousin and my oldest baby sister will be there because they were Sunday night when I called about the flooded home. They both offered and my oldest baby sister came over to help me attempt to clean the mess. This is a relief and has helped me.
It has been a humbling experience because I am not one to ask for help. Well, I had to ask tonight if only for them to listen. I was receiving the same type of message from each of them…It will be alright. In a year this will be a faint memory. For now, I must figure out how I am to make my doctor’s appointment and get this mess cleaned up. That’s if I am able to stay awake. If I even slept at this moment I would only have about an hour or two to rest.
Oh my gosh, things that don’t seem to be having water in the area are now absorbing water, boxes and papers. I heard a big crash type sound and it a stack of box type storage. Guess I need to rethink using paper, boxes, etc! Oh my goodness and again I hear, “It will be alright!” Really? I question all the while I really deep down know or want to believe it will be true. Deep breath!
Well, I have started a wash of wet clothes and I am about to absorb more water which truthfully seems a failed attempt. As I told my oldest baby sister and cousin, it’s like throwing a donut to a drowning person in a huge sea. It just doesn’t seem enough. It has made it’s way into another bedroom! Soon it will take over the whole carpeted places. Did I happen to say how much I dislike carpet? Really, I do and I realllllly don’t like it now!!! I want it out and I want it out as of last week! To late…’It will be alright.” I repeat to myself. And now I will be off to hopefully get everything possible up and off floor that may otherwise be damaged beyond use. 😦
Peace and Blessings,