Question for the Readers and a Good Rant never hurt? Right?

Well, what do you know? I made it back pretty fast to make another post and not months later.  Partly, it is thanks to you, the readers.  You have made me wonder what brought you to this blog when I made the last post? Do you have cancer? Does someone you love have cancer? Or none of the above and were just surfing the blogs only to land here?  Or are you just trying to pick up more followers?  Hoping I would follow you? Is picking up followers that important, btw?

So, those questions out-of-the-way, now what?  Ah and then I asked another question. LOL  Guess I am unable to get away from them tonight. Have I filled you in on my history? Or at least part of it?  Hmmm   More questions! Will she ever stop, you may ask? Maybe and maybe not. LOL  Maybe I kinda like them at times, can you tell?  In some ways it makes me feel more connected to the readers. Crazy, I know!

Honestly, I have no idea right now what I will share or discuss.  There is so much going on in my life and some of it is my doing!  What was I thinking?!?!?!?!?!?! To add a lot of excess stuff to my life which needs mega attention?  Now, you may consider me crazy for that!  Guess it wasn’t all my doing, really. It had family, couple friends or so on and therapist and doctors.  They thought I should make friends and get out of the house. (She rolls her eyes at that advice and thoughts.)

Here I find out I have cancer, right? Then I am attempting to deal with what that entails.  So while doing that my internist and I decide I may need to seek help from a therapist to deal with some health issues which may be due to stress, anxiety, etc.  You think? LOL They are all telling me to add friends and places to do things which may help me to make some friends.  That many people can’t be wrong, right? Do they have cancer? NO! (Again, she rolls her eyes.)

And I go to the therapist to help with my hypertension which will not go down to any number the doctors and other medical individuals will accept. I’m pretty much okay with my hypertension readings.  The therapist joins the make new friends, bandwagon and I have had issues with hypertension since my early 20’s so why worry now?  I have had almost ever test conceived checking for damage to my body and nada!  I am fine and my heart, kidneys, everything is fine except, I have this thing called CANCER!  Should we mention the people in my life who may be the major issue causing the hypertension? LOL

So, what is their problem?  They can’t seem to focus on the medical reason I may be there to seek attention from them.  Which is stuff like breathing issues, cold, flu, sinuses, etc. or even stress! Sheez. They’ve sent me out so many times with more medicines for the hypertension and nothing for the main issue I am there to see them about at present.  Plus the medicines don’t usually work and cause me a ton more health issues.  I am so over that!

So guess this became a whine session about the medical people?  They are not all bad and I know they think they are taking care of me.  I think they are part of the reason I have the problem in the first place.  Because first I have white coat syndrome, duh. LOL  Then I have stress of each visit just seeing them and knowing they will hyperfocus on the hypertension and not what I would like them to focus their attention on at this visit.  I don’t want or need any more medication!!!  Hello! My body, my life, shouldn’t I have a choice here, what to take and not take without a threat of losing other medications which keep me sane! Or healthy? Etc!

Let’s say instead of hypertension, they want to do a treatment for the cancer. So I have the right to say no to treatment, right? As far as I know, I think I am able to refuse the treatment, right? Why can’t I do that with treatment for hypertension or anything else? I mean I am taking medication for it, isn’t that enough.  I am fine with this one pill and even if they want me to make it a  stronger dose.  So why not allow me to choose? Really, people.

Honestly, I think it’s the government’s fault! It is regulating everything so much they are making these poor doctors feel they can’t just do what is right!  Then the patients have to jump through hoops because doctors must jump through hoops.  Then don’t even get me started on the drug addicts who have caused major government regulation on drugs that should be easier to get for those who truly need to use them!!!

Here is some of what is required just to get the medication:

  1. You must call to request the prescription five days before you run out of it.
  2. Then when you are notified the order for the prescription is ready you must pick it up within 5 days of notification call.
  3. You are not allowed to drop it off for the pharmacy to keep until you may be ready to fill within x amount of days.  Or at least Wal-Mart Neighborhood store I use does not allow it.  So then must carry this 8″ x 11″ printout on regular copy paper and hope it does not get destroyed.

.All I want to do is get it to the pharmacy to make sure it is there and filled in time.  Which does not always mean that happens. Life happens and slows the process. I worry I am going to lose it, damage it, drug addict will see it before I get it to pharmacist and take it from me, etc. Yes, I get very paranoid about it all.  I know how much they may be worth on the street which is a lot!  And actually, I think the price on the street just went up on them. Telling you it is scary to even walk out with the filled bottle.  Maybe I worry too much about that lately?

And one time I wasn’t able to get the prescription  from doctor’s office because then it was 3 day. Oh my gosh, like a day or two late and unbelievable, they shredded the prescription! Yes! And then I was not able to get refills until a month later!

So, that meant I was without medication which keeps me from wanting to call end to all this craziness! Without the medication I tend to get super depressed! Which is not something they appear to understand.  And I want even get into the time I was taken off of it for three months due to hypertension because they thought it was affecting my readings which I assured them it was not.Even though I told them I believed it kept me from having mega depression issues and they told me it was probably controlling my depression!!! What? You take me off!!! Oh my gosh and they know what is best for me? Worried about the fact the hypertension which shows no sign of affecting my body may kill me?

Well, what about the lack of the rx which keeps me from being depressed and massively suicidal thoughts when I don’t normally have those thoughts on the medication? Nor did I think I was a person who would ever think that, isn’t that important to keep me from dying or having thoughts of ending it? Hello, people…people being the medical people… again I need those to survive this?

So what am I to say to them to get them to do what is right for me, my body, my mind, and my soul?  Soul? Yes! Cause I have very ugly thoughts about them when they even suggest they may not give them to me. I am sure I will never get to heaven if they ever push me to the point I act on those thoughts!!!  If lack of them make me want to kill myself, could it at some point make me want to kill others?  I mean really, think about it!!! So maybe you may want to rethink taking them totally away?

Yes, I get pretty angry over it.  I don’t think I would ever get angry enough to harm others.  I may harm myself though.  Harming myself has come close at times because I was considering  how and when, that’s not good.  Been to that point a couple to three times and always due to some medication needed a tweak or not having the medication I am discussing at all…like for three months!!!

Okay, I thought I was past that not having it for three months, apparently not? And I said I was not going to talk about it.  Well, I did so hmmm LOL Okay, so it may take me a while longer? LOL Will end this here because I think it is getting to long.  Also, I am sure it is boring for you.  😦

Peace and Blessings,


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